Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Mom fashion

My fashion choices have definitely changed since having kids.

Budget has been a factor. There's only so much money floating around, and somehow no matter how much I set aside for a new little something for myself, I always come home from the store with stuff for the kids instead.

Sometimes it's because they just need it more than me. I can wear the same pair of faded yoga pants for another couple of weeks, I guess, if they both need new shoes - two pairs each, of course, because they need indoor shoes for school - and jeans because the knees of their pants seem to spontaneously burst open on a weekly basis. Wait, why are your wrists dangling out of your sleeves like that? Didn't I just buy you a whole bunch of shirts and sweaters, like, three weeks ago? Damn children just keep growing. I can't seem to do anything about it.

Sometimes it's because I end up buying them something unplanned. I go to the mall intending to buy myself a new pair of jeans or something, and somehow without even understanding what happened I leave with a couple of t-shirts and books for the boys, a toy for Baby, and a cookbook for my husband (who happens to be a fantastic chef - how lucky am I?)

I end up back at home surrounded by bags, bewildered, still wearing my old worn jeans.

And sometimes it's because I simply can't justify spending money on myself - no matter how little money it may be - when I could be spending it on the kids instead. I just can't justify it to myself. One day, when the kids are grown up and out of the house I'll probably lose my mind completely and go on some insane spending spree for useless, self-indulgent crap all for me, me, meeeee.

Body changes have been another factor. I do not have the body post-third-child as I did before. And I am not happy or comfortable with the way I look at the moment. It is therefore much harder to dress this body than it was to dress my old body - the one I liked, the one I worked hard on, the one I felt sexy in. I don't know how to dress this body and look good - and I refuse to learn how to dress this new body, because I have no intention of keeping it.

As a result, however, my fashion sort of sucks these days. Yoga pants and hoodies. Jeans and t-shirts. Gym shorts and wife-beaters. A rummage through my closet getting ready to go out anywhere other than the kids' school, soccer or swimming lessons generally leads to mild hysterics (I have nothing to wear, nothing fits, I look fat in everything, oh my God how did I get so gross?)

It's been a very easy slide from fashion-forward to fashion-flop. When I was working I ran a gym and taught fitness classes - work wear for me was Lululemon garb to begin with. There was no wardrobe transition from working woman in pantyhose and heels to at-home mom in sweats - I was kind of already there. But aside from the yoga pants and tanks and Nikes my closet used to be filled with cute little camis and dresses and skirts; I had fabulous shoes and handbags and accessories and actually enjoyed putting myself together to go out. I'm almost embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror these days.

For me, looking good is a big part of feeling good.

So here's a mid-year resolution:
get the body back, lose the mom fashion, care about how I look and feel good about how I look again.

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