Friday, 2 May 2014

Mom's Birthday Wine

Mom's Birthday Wine, cocktails, parenting

So it's my birthday.

I'm celebrating alone, in the dark, with a glass of wine and my laptop.

I'm an adult now. And a mom. I don't see my birthday as a big deal - birthdays stop being particularly important, as far as I'm concerned, once you're a grown-up and have kids of your own. My birthday happens to fall on the same weekend as my niece's, a week after Easter and a week before my son's birthday and Mother's Day. It's a gong show this time of year, and we generally sort of slide over my birthday in terms of family celebrations and milestones. A family dinner out, cards from the kids, lots of hugs and kisses. That's all I hope for.

But this birthday, if we're searching for descriptive phrases, could only be characterized as "epically disastrous."

The day started off well. I woke up to three exuberant little boys leaping into my bed and smothering me with kisses and hugs and "Happy Birthday" wishes. We all tumbled downstairs where my husband and children disappeared into the basement to finish "making something secret" they started last night while I proceeded to make breakfast for the family.

Roughly thirty seconds later the basement erupted in cries and shouts and one particularly loud, clear, "I don't want to make a card for Mommy anymore; I don't want to be around any of you" followed by Middle Child stomping up the stairs and slumping on the couch with a look of mutinous rage.

I calmly brought him breakfast

The rest of the family followed shortly thereafter. Youngest Child piped up, "Make birthday cards for Mommy. S'prise. Secret." I laughed. Husband told me that we were going out for dinner tonight, just us, and doing a special birthday celebration at home tomorrow night with the kids, when they would give me their cards. (I should explain: the older two boys visit their biological dad for the night most Fridays. We didn't switch to Saturday night as we have two soccer practices and my niece's birthday on Sunday - it was easier to just celebrate my birthday Saturday night - particularly since, as I said, I don't see my birthday as being a big deal.) Youngest Child immediately threw a fit because he wanted to give me his card right then.

Two kids down, two temper tantrums, not even eight o'clock in the morning. Possibly a record, even for us.

Opened and gushed over Youngest Child's card, fed the rest of the family breakfast, finished making lunches and packing backpacks and rushed the kids off to school with promises to pick them up for one of our special Friday lunches at home.

Spent the morning tearing around doing grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, and cleaning the entire house which was a disaster after babysitting the neighbour's kids all week. And squeezing in a couple of hours of paperwork. While taking care of Youngest Child. And getting special lunch ready.

Walked over to school to pick up kids for lunch. In the rain.

Realized upon arrival at the school that Pizza Fridays had started again and I'd ordered the kids pizza. Spent extra ten minutes out of their hour-long lunch break locating paid-for pizza slices. Walked home. In the rain.

Frantically put together special lunch for kids. Included cupcakes as we always do for birthdays - felt a little weird, as birthday was my own, but did it anyway.

Lovely birthday lunch together with my three boys. Heartwarming. Highlight of my day. Broke out cupcakes after lunch only to realize we had seven minutes left before back-to-school bell would ring. Ate cupcakes in hand while racing back to school. In the rain.

Back home. In the rain. Received email money transfer from my parents with best wishes. Awesome - so generous. Emailed thank-yous. Surely they would call later with live birthday greetings? (Spoiler alert: they did not.) Received birthday texts & messages from one of my brothers. (Wait - one of...? So other brother texted or messaged later? Spoiler alert: he did not.)

Packed overnight bag for kids. Walked over to school. In the rain. Eldest Child dismissed late because of confused supply teacher - everyone soaking wet and cold from waiting. Walked home. In the rain.

Ex-husband waiting at home to pick up older two kids for the night. Hugs and kisses and good-byes.

Five minutes later, phone call from ex-husband to call 911 as his truck pulled back into driveway.

Ran outside with phone - kids were fine, he meant for himself. Chest pains. Made 911 call, sent kids inside. Fairly extensive first aid background and assessment of vitals made me fairly sure it wasn't a heart attack, but better to be safe than sorry. Fire truck arrived. Ambulance arrived. Children fascinated and highly entertained by emergency vehicles parked up and down our street.

Ambulance left for hospital. Texted ex-husband's new-wife.

Made after-school snack for kids, packed away backpacks and lunches and agendas and sat down to play board games while waiting for - something.

Children began complaining of starvation. Right on cue, immediately after snack and an hour or two before dinner. Weak voices. Quivering lips. Very dramatic. Impressive.

Husband texted from work, not feeling well. Nasty flu bug has been running through the family all week - husband was the last man standing. Not anymore.

Gave up on dinner. Pulled sauce and meatballs from freezer and put pot of water on stove for spaghetti.

Husband texted from work. Full-on flu.

Ex-husband's new-wife texted. Ex-husband fine. Good.

Dinner - couldn't eat, as am no longer able to eat pasta (lengthy story for another post.) Watched children eat. Nibbled on celery and carrot sticks. Without dip, as am no longer able to eat dip (part of same lengthy story.) Hungry.

More board games. Youngest Child misbehaving all over the place. Driving entire family insane.

Husband arrived home, sick as a dog. Installed on couch with water and barf bucket.

Ex-husband and new-wife arrived to pick up older two kids. All well on that front.

Youngest Child still misbehaving. Eventually fell asleep. Fifteen minutes before liquor store closed.

Ran to liquor store. Picked up bottle of wine. Got carded. ON my thirty-sixth birthday! Hooray! Clerk looked at ID, looked at me. Said, "Hey - that's today. It's your birthday." Looked at ID again, looked at me again. Handed back ID. Quickly looked at me again and looked away. Said, "Happy Birthday" while hurriedly ringing up my eight dollar bottle of wine. Look screamed "it's ten o'clock on a Friday night, on your birthday, and you're here alone buying an eight dollar bottle of wine..." (Yes, I said eight dollars. I'm not fancy. But I do require wine.) Muttered "thank-you" and scurried on out of there.

Sick husband eventually fell asleep.

And now I'm sitting here, celebrating my birthday alone, in the dark, with a glass of wine and my laptop.

There will probably be a few more glasses of wine.

Like I said, epically disastrous. Like, 90's sitcom hysterically comical disastrous. (Other than the ex's medical emergency, obviously, but since he's fine now - just adds to the ridiculousness.) Epic.


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  1. Oh no! Sorry you had such a bad day. Hope your hubby gets well quickly and you have a great weekend to make up for it.

  2. Awwww. You're awesome. LOL. And I'm glad that, if nothing else, you had wine. I hope you drank a lot of it. A whole lot of it, in fact. Well deserved. :)

  3. Lol. You're hilarious! Love it.