Monday, 4 May 2015

Kindergarten Baby

My baby boy is officially registered for kindergarten and I'm a little bit broken.

I can't believe it's been almost four years since my deliciously dimpled, beautifully perfect, squishy little baby boy arrived and made our family complete.

My sweet, smiley little squish-bug is suddenly a big boy off to join the great big grown-up world.

Oh, how I'm going to miss my last little baby being a baby. How I'm going to miss those special mommy-baby moments. Those chubby, dimpled arms wrapped around my neck, those salty-sweet little boy kisses, those golden curls glistening in a sweaty, perfect, messy halo around his little head, those big, beautiful, bottomless brown eyes staring into mine. How am I going to manage being away from that angel face for hours and hours every day?

It's somehow almost worse this time around - I don't know if it's because he's the baby, because he's my last, because this time around it means the end of my life as a mommy of babies. Because he's the last of my babies, the last of my little boys, the last little angel that will ever look up at me with those trusting eyes and squeeze my hand with those chubby little fingers and head off on his own into the world.

It was awful with my first - my oldest - my firstborn, my special baby boy, my angel dropped from heaven who made me into a mommy. The little boy who changed my everything. The love of my life, the centre of my world. Sending my firstborn off to school was the hardest thing I'd ever done - heart-wrenching, emotionally draining. My boy. My heart. My life.

It was hard with my second - my baby, at the time - my little guy, so sweet and small and wanting to follow in his big brother's footsteps but still my wee small sweet little guy. Another angel growing up and growing away. My baby. My love.

And it's definitely painful with my my third - the last in line, my baby, the last little boy I'll ever go through any of this with ever again. My last child. My last baby. I'm actually not sure I can even handle this.

How can my baby be so big now?

How can he possibly be heading off to school?

How can my babies all be so very big now?

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1 comment:

  1. Heartbreaking and sweet and true.